Sonis Goes Emo and Goes to Sunday School: Double the Sanic, Double the Pain

So it's come to this…

It is time to delve into the bizarre, weird, and hilarious world of bad Sonic fanfiction. I will doing these short two in preparation for the major Sanic fanfiction I plan to tackle. For now, the first fanfiction here is bluntly titled "Sonic Goes Emo." Truly only great things are to be expected from it.

Well…

Here goes nothing.

Sonic Goes Emo

By

Uutama

>One day Sonic went to the movie store

He wanted to return his copy of Fast Five so he could rent another copy of Fast Five

>He saw a movie called "Blood Hell" and rented it. 

It was a compilation of the "Best-of" Ron Wesley moments

>After he put it in the DVD player he watched maybe 5 minutes then turned it off. 

That's how long I made it into A Million Ways to Die in the West before I realized what a big mistake I had made.

>He went to the kitchen and, yes, you guessed it, cut himself. 

Judging from the reactions to the newer Sonic games, I'm not at all surprised.

>The movie influenced him to do this. 

Did the movie have Judas Priest and Ozzy Osbourne on the soundtrack?

>He called Knuckles and Tails, then asked if they wanted to cut with him. 

All Tails was able to say in response to Sonic was

ENERBEAM!!

>They said that they arent cutting and they hung up. Sonic screemed at the top off his lungs! 

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWLING IN MYYYYY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

>"Oh fucking shit! Oh tourettes!"

Oh, Tourettes, touch me right there!

> Blood gushed out as sonic laughed and laughed. 

This is totally out of character, this is something Shadow the Edge-hog would do

>Two minutes later he dropped on the floor, with no one there to help. 

He died as he had lived, passed out on the floor of his own home.

>The next day tails came in and found him dead on the kitchen floor. 

At that point Sonic was a shriveled up pile of blue on the floor

>Tails desided to sue the people who made the movie and wished for them to burn in hell. 

>At the day in court Kuckles was Tails' lauyer.

It went as well as you would expect having an echidna as your lawyer

> They sued and got all the money gained from that movie.

THE END

That was short, terrible, and I will never look at it again. Much like my experience with Sanic Bang

It honestly wasn't as edgy as I expected, but it did contain a pure amount of stupid that should only experienced in minor doses before you become contaminated with it.

Time for a commercial break. Here is a sneak preview of John Water's new film, Mondo Sonico 

Well that was weird, Anyways the next fanfiction involves Jesus and Sonic. 

                                           "THERE'S THIS RADICAL DUDE NAMED JESUS"

*sighs*

Let's do this shit.

Sunday School

By
Zion and Vixen

>Amy wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school.

She repeatedly wrote Deicide lyrics in her notebook during lecture

>Often she slept most the way through.

and undressed the teacher with her eyes the rest of the way through

>One day the teacher called on her to answer a question.

"Why has God learned to hate his own creation?"

>"Who created the Universe?"

We all know it was Danny Devito emerging from the Universal Couch

                                                      "Please enjoy this image as much as I did."


>She asked when Amy didn't stir from her slumber Sonic a hedgehog who was sat behind her took a pin >and jabbed her in the rear. 

Sonic, while doing so, was doing his best impression of that guy on the bus who is clearly on meth.

>"God Almighty" she shouted 

OMG GO TO HELL SONIC YOU FILTHY WHORE

>"Well done" the teacher said as Amy fell back off to sleep.

Meaning that she fell backwards 

>A while later the teacher called upon Amy for another question.

"Okay class, who is dead and who has killed him?"

> "Who is our lord and savior"

Azu-Nyan?

>when Amy didn't respond from her slumber Sonic jabbed her again.

Sonic is really trying to make himself seem like the person you would cross the street to get away from when you see him walking towards you on a sidewalk.

> "Jesus Christ" She cried.

Jeff Mangum burst into the class room with an acoustic guitar singing "I LOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOUUUU. YEEEEES I DOOOOOOOOO"

>Later on the teacher asked Amy a third question.

Now class, WHO lights up Debby Boone's life?

>"What did Eve say to Adam after she gave birth to their twenty-third child" 

You should've pull out faster you dumb oaf

>Once again she didn't wake from her slumber so Sonic jabbed her again.

That's illegal you know

>This time she shouted

THAT'S IT SONIC. YOU. ME. OUTSIDE!

>"If you stick that damn thing in me one more time I'll break it in half."

Even after reading a fanfiction that involved Jason Voorhees plowing Freddy Krueger, this still makes me feel uncomfortable

>The Teacher Fainted

Woo! The teacher's death! Let's take her wallet!

Now these weren't the worst thing's I've ever read (That's the fanfic coming up next). Just thinking about the fact that there is a subgenre of Christian themed Sonic fanfiction proves that we are a weird fucking species.

Be stiff my babies, the next one will be a rough one.