Less than a week ago, Kentucky Senator Rand Paul declared his candidacy for the 2016 Republican Primaries. Already he has received criticism from Libertarians, from the lowliest youtuber commenter to his own father, for abandoning his ideals and flip flopping on issues. However, there is one thing libertarians need not to worry about when it comes to abandoning core values: their My Little Pony fanfiction.
Now, many of you may say, that a libertarian My Little Pony fanfiction may just be the most absolute fedorable thing imaginable… and you would be absolutely correct. But, how the hell anyone could get the idea that a show, created by a feminist and the setting being a semi-socialist utopia would support a philosophy like libertarianism, is why I find to be the most ridiculous parts of this fanfiction.
Well, ONE of the most ridiculous parts…
by
TheRealBwic
>Twilight Sparkle was out walking in Ponyville when she saw Applejack looking sad.
Because Applebloom was employed as foal-labor in Rarity's Boutique under Equestria's New Liberty Laws
>"What's the matter?" said Twilight Sparkle, concerned about her friend.
Rand Paul ran out of tenth interview this week! When will the lamestream media him speak!
>"I wanted to get a summer job but nobody in Ponyville is hiring." said Applejack.
Well it's not like you have a massive farm or anything to manage. But then again Applejack is the silliest pony
>"They all say they can't afford to hire anyone new because of the new health care law."
I didn't realize Papa Johns had such a tight grip on the Equestrian economy. But then again maybe I'm biased against Papa Johns because this is my reaction whenever I taste it
I also become Bryan Cranston
>"New health care law?" asked Twilight Sparkle.
Yeah! It's like ten years old and Mitt Romney implemented it in Massachusetts, but why let facts get in the way!
>"Yeah." said Applejack. "Now everypony has to buy health insurance for there employees even though >they can't afford it.
Yeah because Rarity needs to buy moar tiaras. She can't afford none that healthcare shit
>It's killing all the jobs.
All the jobs in pre-capitalist, steampunk, agrarian, socialist whatever the writers need this week, economy of Equestria
>And now taxes went through the roof because of it.
So if taxes exists in Equestria. Does that mean the IRS exists in Equestria. And if the IRS exists, does that imply that there is a massive bureaucracy in Equestria and needs to be supported despite it not having the necessary infrastructure to support it and carry out large scale tax hike let alone support a nation wide healthcare support. And besides if there was such a massive tax hike on the poor in an agrarian economy that Equestria has wouldn't the populace normally revolt? But of course I'm putting too much thought into this fanfic than the author did
>Granny Smith says if we don't get some tax relief we may even have to sell Sweet Apple Acres all >because of Amabocare."
Oh sweet Jesus fuckin Christmas does Amabocare happen to hail from Aynek according to the author? Maybe because Nilbog was too subtle
Yeah because Rarity needs to buy moar tiaras. She can't afford none that healthcare shit
>It's killing all the jobs.
All the jobs in pre-capitalist, steampunk, agrarian, socialist whatever the writers need this week, economy of Equestria
>And now taxes went through the roof because of it.
So if taxes exists in Equestria. Does that mean the IRS exists in Equestria. And if the IRS exists, does that imply that there is a massive bureaucracy in Equestria and needs to be supported despite it not having the necessary infrastructure to support it and carry out large scale tax hike let alone support a nation wide healthcare support. And besides if there was such a massive tax hike on the poor in an agrarian economy that Equestria has wouldn't the populace normally revolt? But of course I'm putting too much thought into this fanfic than the author did
>Granny Smith says if we don't get some tax relief we may even have to sell Sweet Apple Acres all >because of Amabocare."
Oh sweet Jesus fuckin Christmas does Amabocare happen to hail from Aynek according to the author? Maybe because Nilbog was too subtle
>"Amabocare?" asked Twilight Sparkle. "You mean like Princess Celestia's mysterious new adviser, >Amabo who showed up this week?"
Because why would an all wise pony like Celestia be hesitant on selecting an advisor she knows nothing about?
Because why would an all wise pony like Celestia be hesitant on selecting an advisor she knows nothing about?
>"Yes." said Appliejack. "It was all his idea."
>"This is horrible." said Twilight Sparkle. "I need to do something about it."
I'm going to write an extremely passive aggressive letter to Celestia about it!
>"Yes." said Applejack. "Its bad enough that they say Lord Tirek escaped from Tartarus." Lord Tirek had >disappeared from Tartarus a week before somehow evading Cerberus.
Amabocare is so bad it has caused all literal hell to break lose. I wonder what's Fox's take on this.
"Oh. Nevermind…"
I'm going to write an extremely passive aggressive letter to Celestia about it!
>"Yes." said Applejack. "Its bad enough that they say Lord Tirek escaped from Tartarus." Lord Tirek had >disappeared from Tartarus a week before somehow evading Cerberus.
Amabocare is so bad it has caused all literal hell to break lose. I wonder what's Fox's take on this.
>That night, as they had dinner together Twilight Sparkle told Rainbow Dash all about it. They were >eating a cruelty free meal of vegan soysage while talking about the situation.
No cruelty except for the hundreds of soybeans that were slaughtered to make the soysage
No cruelty except for the hundreds of soybeans that were slaughtered to make the soysage
>"Applejack told me there's this new law called Amabocare that makes everypony buy health insurance >for there employees even though they can't afford it." said Twilight Sparkle. "It's killing all the jobs and >also it's causing taxes to go through the roof. Applejack even said that because of all those Amabocare >taxes there afraid they might have to sell Sweet Apple Acres."
I, of course, Twilight Sparkle, the nerdy fact checking pony is not doing any research and just letting Applejack fill me on the information
>"That is not cool." said Rainbow Dash before having another bite of vegan soysage.
Everytime I read "soysage" I'm hearing Curly Howard say it in my head.
>"That's right." said Twilight Sparkle right before finishing off her vegan soysage. "I need to do >something about it."
Maybe you should've wrote that strongly worded letter INSTEAD of hanging out with BlueFast here.
>That night as Rainbow Dash was going to bed she asked Twilight Sparkle if she was coming along. >"Will you be coming to bed with me, darling?" asked Rainbow Dash.
Did you accidentally give Rainbow Dash, Rarity's personality? Or is this supposed to be a Gen 3 fanfic?
Maybe you should've wrote that strongly worded letter INSTEAD of hanging out with BlueFast here.
>That night as Rainbow Dash was going to bed she asked Twilight Sparkle if she was coming along. >"Will you be coming to bed with me, darling?" asked Rainbow Dash.
Did you accidentally give Rainbow Dash, Rarity's personality? Or is this supposed to be a Gen 3 fanfic?
>"I can't go to bed yet, my love." said Twilight Sparkle.
Oh. Oh… OH! It's this kind of fanfiction. Of course it is. Who doesn't want a little slash in their Libertarian diatribe?
> "I need to read some books about this so I can talk to Princess Celestia about it tomorrow."
I need to read the entirety of the Fountainhead before tomorrow morning and John Galt hasn't even started his speech!
Oh. Oh… OH! It's this kind of fanfiction. Of course it is. Who doesn't want a little slash in their Libertarian diatribe?
> "I need to read some books about this so I can talk to Princess Celestia about it tomorrow."
I need to read the entirety of the Fountainhead before tomorrow morning and John Galt hasn't even started his speech!
>"Boy, first Lord Tirek escapes and now all this. At least give me a kiss good night then." said Rainbow >Dash.Twilight Sparkle gave Rainbow Dash a passionate kiss good night.
>"Good luck, sweetheart." said Rainbow Dash.
Okay this has to be Gen 3 Rainbow Dash because I can't imagine Rainbow Dash saying "sweetheart"
Okay this has to be Gen 3 Rainbow Dash because I can't imagine Rainbow Dash saying "sweetheart"
>That night Twilight Sparkle read every book she could find in Golden Oak Library about he importance >of freedom and personal responsibility and how low taxes help create more jobs and opportunities.
Twilight went to the top shelf and found and read some works by Locke and Voltaire before finding some Ayn Rand book being used as a paperweight
Twilight went to the top shelf and found and read some works by Locke and Voltaire before finding some Ayn Rand book being used as a paperweight
>The next day she went from Ponyville to Canterlot to speak to Princess Celestia.
>"I've come to speak with you." said Twilight Sparkle.
Ron Paul wont stop waving his arms around and shouting "IT'S HAPPENING!" at the top of his lungs. We're really concerned about him
Ron Paul wont stop waving his arms around and shouting "IT'S HAPPENING!" at the top of his lungs. We're really concerned about him
>"Oh, what about?" said Princess Celestia.
>"I'm very concerned about Amabocare." said Twilight Sparkle.
I looked up Amabocare on google and all I can find is links to "Obamacare" WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM US CELESTIA!?
I looked up Amabocare on google and all I can find is links to "Obamacare" WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM US CELESTIA!?
>"Amabocare?" asked Princess Celestia. "Amabo says it will be wonderful and give everypony the >health care they need.""My friend Applejack told me that she can't find a job because of it. "
But she has a job. A full time job infact. She is A FARMER AFTERALL. And if they have the supposed infrastructure to support an Internal Revenue Service there is probably agricultural subsidies as well! Once again I should calm down a bit since I'm starting to put more thought into this than the author did
>Everypony stopped hiring because they can't afford to buy the health insurance for there employees."
EVERY. SINGLE. JOB. GONE.
THANKS AMABO
>Just then Amabo showed up and said that the law was good.
He then said "A spectre is haunting Equestria- the spectre of msinummoc"
>"Amabocare is a good law, you see. This way everypony will get the health care they need."
I don't know. There's not enough commas in that sentence for me to truly believe that this is supposed to be the pony equivalent of Obama.
He then said "A spectre is haunting Equestria- the spectre of msinummoc"
>"Amabocare is a good law, you see. This way everypony will get the health care they need."
I don't know. There's not enough commas in that sentence for me to truly believe that this is supposed to be the pony equivalent of Obama.
>"But how will they get health care if they can't get jobs?" asked Twilight Sparkle.
>"Its easy." said Amabo. "The law says you have to get health insurance or else you'll go to jail so >everypony will just buy it."
There is also apparently a prison system in Equestria. I don't even know where to start with that.
There is also apparently a prison system in Equestria. I don't even know where to start with that.
>"But it's wrong to force everypony to buy things from a private compony." said Twilight Sparkle. "And >besides, how will they afford it without jobs?""Its easy." said Amabo. "We'll give the people without jobs >government handouts."
Or we could you know put ponies to work building infrastructure that Equestria is LACKING to support a massive government like this. And yes I did notice the writer put "people instead of ponies.
Or we could you know put ponies to work building infrastructure that Equestria is LACKING to support a massive government like this. And yes I did notice the writer put "people instead of ponies.
>"But what about the dignity of work?" said Twilight Sparkle. "Everypony will just be dependent on >government and how are we going to pay for it?"
Just borrow money from the Celestial Empire like when Equestria had to pay the bills the last time!
Just borrow money from the Celestial Empire like when Equestria had to pay the bills the last time!
>"Easy." said Amabo. "We have new taxes to soak the rich and spread the wealth around."
Spread the wealth around like a pile of savory butter all over a fat guys body.
Spread the wealth around like a pile of savory butter all over a fat guys body.
>"But those taxes just punish hard work." said Twilight Sparkle."Granny Smith isn't rich but she'll have to >sell Sweet Apple Acres because of your new law.
and they had to go out on the ol Californee in search of the Do Re Mi
>And I read in a book that low taxes help create more jobs so everypony will benefit from a larger pie >and they'll be able to get there own health care by working hard.
That book was known as the "Big Book of Bullshit" by Mitt Romney
>Government can't spend its way to happiness you need to encourage everypony to work hard and >make things great. High taxes will just hurt everypony.
and it's coauthored by Ronald Reagan.
"Reaganomics in action"
>With lower taxes there will be more jobs and more freedom. We need to choose liberty."
Isn't this Gary Johnson's new campaign slogan? Something something LIBERTY BITCHES
and they had to go out on the ol Californee in search of the Do Re Mi
>And I read in a book that low taxes help create more jobs so everypony will benefit from a larger pie >and they'll be able to get there own health care by working hard.
That book was known as the "Big Book of Bullshit" by Mitt Romney
>Government can't spend its way to happiness you need to encourage everypony to work hard and >make things great. High taxes will just hurt everypony.
and it's coauthored by Ronald Reagan.
>With lower taxes there will be more jobs and more freedom. We need to choose liberty."
Isn't this Gary Johnson's new campaign slogan? Something something LIBERTY BITCHES
>"This law isn't sounding so good anymore." said Princess Celestia.
I'm easily convinced like this!
I'm easily convinced like this!
>"Yes." said Princess Luna who was also there. "We're going to repeal Amabocare. Amabo, your fired."
and apparently Donald Trump replaced Princess Luna
and apparently Donald Trump replaced Princess Luna
>"That's right." said Princess Celestia. "We don't need you or your laws. We need more freedom and >lower taxes."
>"Yes, Equestria doesn't need you." added Princess Luna. "We don't need higher taxes or bigger >government."
We're going to let our practically non-existent infrastructure collapse!
We're going to let our practically non-existent infrastructure collapse!
>"Fine." said Amabo. "If I can't rule Equestria by making you dependent on me then I'll rule you fools… >BY FORCE!"
This is fanfiction is getting more kinkier by the moment and we all know Libertarians are the kinkiest of all political ideologies.
"Just bursting with lust and desire"
This is fanfiction is getting more kinkier by the moment and we all know Libertarians are the kinkiest of all political ideologies.
>And with that there was a bunch of smoke and then Amabo revealed his true form. He was really Lord >Tirek using magic to disguise himself.
To be honest I thought he would transform into a lizard pony, judging from the ideology being pushed forward here
To be honest I thought he would transform into a lizard pony, judging from the ideology being pushed forward here
>"Now Equestria will be mine." Tirek said. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
>"Not so fast!" said a voice from behind.
It WAS…………………………
BLUE FAST
It WAS…………………………
BLUE FAST
>Twilight Sparkle looked behind her and saw her friends. There was Applejack. And Rarity. Pinkie Pie >was there. So was Fluttershy. And her girlfriend Rainbow Dash was there too.
Oh right there's that ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL part of the story that we COULD NOT forget.
Oh right there's that ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL part of the story that we COULD NOT forget.
>"You'll never defeat me." said Tirek.
>"We can defeat you with the power of friendship."
>said Rainbow Dash. With that the ponies combined Applejack's power of honesty, Fluttershy's power of >kindness, Pinkie Pie's power of laughter, Rarity's power of generosity, Rainbow Dash's power of loyalty, >and Twilight Sparkle's power of magic and worked together and stopped Lord Tirek and he was taken >back to Tartarus.
All things Ron Paul could've used if he wanted the Great RNC Delegate Swindle! of 2012 to succeed
>said Rainbow Dash. With that the ponies combined Applejack's power of honesty, Fluttershy's power of >kindness, Pinkie Pie's power of laughter, Rarity's power of generosity, Rainbow Dash's power of loyalty, >and Twilight Sparkle's power of magic and worked together and stopped Lord Tirek and he was taken >back to Tartarus.
All things Ron Paul could've used if he wanted the Great RNC Delegate Swindle! of 2012 to succeed
>That day is now known in Equestria as Liberty Day, for it was on that day that not only was Lord Tirek >defeated once more but everypony learned just how precious liberty is.
and that very day, Equestria recognized bitcoin as its officially currency, Mountain Dew as it's national drink, and complaining about women on the internet as its national pass time.
THE END
ooooooooooooooh boy
As you can tell I'm not the biggest fan of libertarian ideology, but I think we can all come together on one issue:that this fanfiction blows complete ass. That's all, I'm going to bed.
and that very day, Equestria recognized bitcoin as its officially currency, Mountain Dew as it's national drink, and complaining about women on the internet as its national pass time.
THE END
ooooooooooooooh boy
As you can tell I'm not the biggest fan of libertarian ideology, but I think we can all come together on one issue:that this fanfiction blows complete ass. That's all, I'm going to bed.
I shed a single mountain dew scented, red white and blue tear. This was beautiful.
ReplyDelete